When I Leave

When my mother was sick, I went home to see her. She died three days later. When my father died, I did not go home – he had already been dead when they got around to telling me.

I walk just about every night. I think of this as exercise. But in talking to my neighbor, we decided that the purpose was primarily socializing with the exercise being secondary. I used to stop and talk to a neighbor. He used to sit out on the front porch with his dog and listen to his radio. I never saw any family members visiting him.

One day, his neighbor called me and said she had not seen him for a while and that the newspapers were on his front yard.

I went down and tried to get in. But he had steel doors all around the house. So, with no responses and his truck in the driveway, I called the police. They came and also could not get in. They called the fire department who broke in. When they went in, they found him dead with his dog sitting on the floor beside him.

Then the family came from all over, including one all the way from Missouri. They had a big funeral and a catered event after. I did not go to either. Then came the estate sale and, of course, the sale of the house. They all disappeared, never to be seen again.

And I decided that that was not going to happen to me.

So,I got the forms from UCLA and USC and donated my body to them, first come first served. When I die, my wife will call them and they will arrange to pick me up. They will use me for educating future doctors and probably other purposes. After that, they will cremate me and scatter my ashes somewhere. But the ashes will not be returned to my wife.

Now why did I do this? Well, there are a number of reasons. I would like to think that my body will result in some great research that will benefit mankind. I can imagine the headlines now: “Donated Body of Anthony Kingsley Results in a Discovery that Will Benefit Mankind for Hundreds of Years.”

And the funeral parlors will be disappointed at a loss of revenue

And the likes of Forest Lawn will also be disappointed.

And the probate lawyers will be really pissed.

Then my wife will be famous for carrying out my last wishes.

And all of you in my Norwalk writing class can say, “I knew him.”

There will be a big Irish wake with lots of food and alcohol.No tears and no speeches. But a huge banner that says: “Regrets He Had a Few, But Then Again Too Few To Mention. He Did What He Had to Do, And He Did It His Way.”

Anthony R. Kingsley is a member of the writing class offered through the Cerritos College Adult Education Program. It is held off-campus at the Norwalk Senior Center.