Why ‘self-love’ is critically important for any relationship to succeed

With Valentine’s Day arriving on Friday, Feb. 14, according to mental health experts, we often think about how much and from whom we receive love. Sadly, we frequently forget that our love of ourselves is equally important, if not more, than the love we give and receive.

“It’s often said that we have to love ourselves first before we can love others,” said Dr. Ashley Zucker, a child, adolescent and adult psychiatrist with Kaiser Permanente Southern California. “However, loving ourselves doesn’t always come naturally. We’re often our own worst critics, and how we treat and view ourselves can sometimes be far worse than how we interact with anyone else.”

According to Dr. Zucker, if you’re being self-critical, it can help you to pause and think, ‘What would I say to a friend or someone I cared about in the same situation?’ Why would we say anything different to ourselves?’

“Take the time to practice gratitude,” advised Dr. Zucker. “Think of three things you’re grateful for each day before you go to bed. Even better, write them down! It’s so important to try to recognize that you don’t have to be perfect as we all make mistakes.”

Dr. Zucker, who practices in San Bernardino County, noted that self-love is about giving yourself grace when you make mistakes.

“Acknowledge what you could have done differently and reflect on doing better the next time the same or similar situation comes around,” she said. “Take the time to eat well and move every day. Try going for a short walk. Small bouts of movement can be just as effective for your physical and emotional health.”

Dr. Zucker noted it’s important for parents to remember that their children are watching their behavior as they view them as their most important role models.

“If you’re a parent, role modeling self-love can be a very powerful and important life lesson for your children,” she explained. “Be aware of how you talk about yourself in front of your kids. If you talk poorly about yourself or your body, they’ll start to think the same about themselves.”

Additionally, it’s important to model forgiveness for yourself when you make mistakes,” Dr. Zucker emphasized. That will show children that it’s okay to learn from their mistakes and that no one is perfect.