Picture Perfect

Year after year the DMV kept renewing my driver’s license by mail without requiring me to show up in person to be tested and photographed. After about 15 years, the picture on my license became very messy from wear and tear. It even had white blotches over my face.

One day I had a brilliant idea. I would replace my old faded driver’s license picture with a photo from one of my old company ID badges. And so, I cut the ID photo the same size as the picture on my license. Then I stapled my ID photo on top of the picture the DMV had taken so many years ago.

Well, I was asked to show my license for identification many, many times, and nobody ever said a word about the stapled photo on it. Until the time I went shopping in a hotel boutique in Hawaii.

There I was, browsing through the beautiful shop with my sister Audrey, my daughter Jan, and my son-in-law Paul. I picked out a sexy pair of swim trunks for Paul. Leaving my family to continue shopping, I went to the sales counter to pay for my purchase with a check.

Of course, the saleslady asked to see my driver’s license for identification. And so, I whipped it out and handed it to her.

All of a sudden she said in a very loud voice, “You can’t do this!”

I said, “What?”

She said, “You can’t change a picture on your license!”

By then my family heard the commotion, so they came over to the counter to find out what was going on.

The saleslady said, “Look! She has changed her picture on her license!”

By then a crowd had gathered. My family looked at me, stunned. Jan said, “Mama, how could you?”

Needless to say, by then my face was red as a beet. Jan offered to pay for the swim trunks by MasterCard, since the saleslady refused to accept my check.

When we got back to our condo, Jan said to me, “Mama, you could go to jail for doing something like that. How could you be so vain?!”

It really wasn’t that I was vain; I just did not like that messy license picture in my wallet.

Helen Hampton is a member of the writing class offered through the Cerritos College Adult Education Program. It is held off-campus at the Norwalk Senior Center.