Empathy for your community: How the COVID-19 pandemic altered my family dynamic

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I left Los Angeles on Jan. 15 at a time when new cases of COVID-19 had continuously surpassed the 10,000 mark. More specifically, in LA county alone, cases had reached over 15,000 new cases in one day, meanwhile I was still seeing people participate in non-essential activities via social media. The COVID-19 pandemic has altered the world in a multitude of ways and yet, people still continue to put their selfish needs before others. The night I left, I watched as my mother logged onto a Google Hangout for a group prayer she and her family were doing for her recently departed aunt who died from COVID-19. I was leaving LA and finally releasing myself from living in fear in my childhood home from people who perceived the threat of COVID-19 differently than I did, but I left fearing for the lives of my parents knowing that this virus was ravaging the city I grew up in.

Back in December, I wrote a personal essay on what it was like living in Downey with family members that took COVID-19 precautions differently than me and how that ultimately resulted in me moving 3,000 miles away back to Brooklyn. Now nearly a year into the pandemic I find myself feeling hopeless despite vaccinations being underway. The apathy I have witnessed from people across the world acting recklessly is infuriating. There is a lack of empathy in those who continue to choose to participate in non-essential activities. Empathy for your family is also not the same as empathy for an entire community. The empathy and awareness that you could potentially contract the virus and spread it to hundreds of other people is lacking. You may contract the virus and survive, but someone else may catch it from you and may not.

However, after all the gaslighting and fighting I have been through I’ve become too exhausted to try to change people’s minds.  Rather, I am asking them to extend love and lifesaving empathy to their entire communities as they would to their loved ones.

The pandemic has brought out people’s true colors and it has damaged personal relationships for many people, not just my own. From friends who I would’ve never thought were selfish enough to travel across the country for birthday celebrations, to family members, who also are front-line healthcare workers, hosting parties with people in their homes unmasked. During this pandemic I’ve been able to weed out the good seeds from the bad in my social circles. I also routinely post COVID-19 case data daily on my social media feeds to try to keep my friends and loved ones informed about  the severity of the pandemic. I’ve called people out for traveling and partying with friends amidst the pandemic. I’ve kept this up for nearly the entirety of the  pandemic.

“We’ve gotten tested. It’s okay for us to gather,” some say.

“We’re all bound to get it sooner or later, I can’t stop living my life,” one family member told me.

“I can’t live in fear,” that same family member said.

But you should live in fear, fear is good. Growing up, my dad used to always say, “Fear keeps you alive.” Fear will keep you out of trouble. It’s fear of dying that keeps me from jumping out into the street without looking both ways. Maybe if we all were a little more fearful and stopped acting invincible then maybe just maybe we could’ve kicked this pandemic’s ass a long time ago. But who knows, because I’ve also grown too tired of living in the “shoulda, woulda, coulda” and am trying to actively be present in the now.

Living with my family during the majority of the pandemic and being gaslit by them over my concerns of contracting the virus proved to me what I have felt my entire life. My parents don’t show that they respect or value my opinion or think I have any credibility despite saying the opposite. If they truly did then they wouldn’t say they agree with me, then turn around and allow my sister’s boyfriend who travels for work and for non-essential reasons like skydiving - yes skydiving - during a global pandemic to come over despite me begging them not to. Although I may not be at home, I still fear for their well being. As long as my sister lives in their home their risk of exposure is significantly greater due to her and her boyfriend’s carelessness of seeing others outside of my parent’s home. My parents who still work in-person at the manufacturing company they own, with only a handful of full-time employees, are still at risk, yet with my sister’s lack of empathy and concern, their increased exposure is unnecessary. In reality, she could stay at her boyfriend’s place if she wants to participate in non-essential activity without risking my parent’s lives.

I wish they wouldn’t see my concerns and pleas for them to not allow this behavior in their home as a personal vendetta against my sister’s boyfriend. I mean, it’s not because I don’t like him - I don’t - but this is bigger than them. My dad is a cancer survivor of nearly 10 years and is now on a waitlist for hip replacement surgery as he can barely walk. He cannot afford to contract COVID-19 - I mean no one can - but much less while they are on a waiting list to be able to get surgery that will allow them to walk pain-free again. People need to remove their personal feelings when it comes to precautionary measures It isn’t about me or you, it’s about the vulnerability of people who won’t survive if they catch this monstrous virus. It isn’t about justifying reckless behavior or who’s right or who’s wrong. The science and data are there, and they aren’t just numbers - those are people. As of this writing, 17,360 people have died from COVID-19 in LA county alone, and 466,465 people in the U.S. have died from COVID-19.

I still sanitize my groceries, stay home as much as possible, wear double masks with a surgical mask beneath my cloth mask, and socially distant see my friends while wearing my masks. I haven’t seen some of my closest friends in nearly a year, but knowing them and their families are healthy and alive is better than any bottomless mimosa brunch we could have right now.

My relationship with my parents has improved since moving back to Brooklyn, where I still continue to advise them on the latest precautions they can take to keep safe. I send my dad vaccine updates so that he can prepare to make his appointment as soon as he’s eligible. My sister and I, however,  may not be able to repair our relationship after the pandemic is through - if it ever is through - and I’ve learned that siblings are also just people who you grew up with, and sometimes you grow apart due to a difference in ethics and moral values. The biggest lesson however, has been this: empathy over apathy always, and the golden rule still holds up too.

You can read the prequel to this essay at The New School Free Press.

Sabrina Picou (she/her) is a journalism student in her final semester at The New School in New York City covering news, local events, opinions, and arts and culture.