After over $2 trillion spent, 2,352 American service members killed and 20,000 wounded, a war weary America pulled its final troops out of Afghanistan on Aug. 30; America’s longest war would come to an end just a few weeks shy of the 20th anniversary of the Sept. 11 attacks that sparked the conflict.

In the wake of its departure, the country fell into the hands of the Taliban in just over a week’s time.

For those who were one of the 800,000 service members to serve in Afghanistan over the war’s span, it’s a bitter pill to swallow.

Roman Gonzalez, 33, served four years active duty in the Air Force and is currently in the reserves. Over the course of his service, he has deployed three times; most recently to Afghanistan in 2018-19 as a medic in a hospital.

He says he “still doesn’t know how to feel about it.”

“It’s definitely mixed emotions,” said Roman. “You put in so much of your time and effort; when I was there, I became immersed in it. That was my day in, and day out…that was my life.”

Roman says that he understands the decision to leave, saying “we can’t fight a war forever,” however feels that the pull out was done too hastily.

“I think it was the right decision to come home, but I don’t think it was done the right way,” said Roman. “I think we saw the chaotic scenes and everything, and obviously the 13 [service] members who died and many more that were wounded; I think that was lack of security.”

“We kind of abandoned our bases. I think we pulled out our troops too soon, not really securing the area for that pull out.”

The images of the Taliban “parading around” with American vehicles and equipment left Roman angry.

“I think we should have disabled all that equipment or brought it back home; it got there somehow, right,” said Roman. “That’s another thing with the whole pull out decision: if you’re going to pull out, bring some of our stuff home too.”

Ian Murphy, 29, deployed in 2014 with the Army’s 305th Engineer Company, with the dangerous task of clearing roads of explosives so that the infantry could patrol their routes.

Murphy says that his platoon alone suffered around 20 IED hits along with small arms fire and RPG’s.

“Luckily, our armored vehicles protected us,” said Murphy. “To this day, I will not forget the feeling of the Ammonia Nitrate as it exploded, or the sight of mangled metal and tires, and clouds of dirt that accompanied each hit.”

Five months into his deployment, he would be transferred to Camp Arena, Herat, to act as the assistant liaison officer for his company to NATO. There, he would help coordinate drone strikes.

“Once, we utterly annihilated 15 insurgents gathered for a meal prepared by their families before they carried out their attack,” said Murphy. “But another time, we fired at two motorcycles that turned out to be a father and his son in front, and his wife and daughter in the rear. The rear motorcycle was struck by a hellfire missile, and wounded the father in the front motorcycle. They were carrying illicit weaponry, but it didn’t make the feeling of knowing that I was complicit in the deaths of two women any better.”

Now he worries that it was all in vain, and he blames the current administration.

“The botched pullout of Afghanistan was only the most recent in the long military history of the Great Powers’ involvements there,” said Murphy. “It was a military failing of the highest order, and those at the top of our political food chain are solely responsible for the deaths of the 13 [soldiers] on Aug. 26th, and they should be held accountable.”

“I am angry that our ‘allies’ turned on us and themselves. I am scared that my son may have to resume my war. I am disappointed in the American people for electing a mentally-incapable man to the office that allowed this travesty.”

Brad Gonzalez, 38, joined the military shortly after graduating from Paramount High School in 2001, in part as a direct response to the terrorist attacks. He would serve as a Navy corpsman with the Marines, then as a private military contractor for the US Embassy in Afghanistan from 2013-14.

As such, the current situation in Afghanistan is very personal for him.

“I’ve seen the best of men and I’ve seen the worst of men, and I say that with a lot of pride, a lot of shame, and a lot of guilt,” said Brad. “The first time I deployed, it was nuts. I was a 20-year-old kid, we had to write our wills. I had just gotten married.”

“The thing about combat is at its very core it’s somebody trying to kill you. We can talk about this and that, but at the end of the day there’s another person trying to exterminate you. The thing about combat is it brings this intense feeling; these emotions are hard to describe, as far as anger, hate, depression, happiness, comradery, brotherhood, it intensifies everything.”

Brad describes the things he witnessed as “mind-bogglingly the most horrific thing you could ever be put through.”

“Seeing people – especially our guys – die and get wounded, I’ve been in and out of talk therapy for a while now,” said Brad. “It’s something that of course will never leave you.”

“I understand people wanted to get out of Afghanistan. All those people, all those hawks that would say ‘let’s go to war, let’s do this, let’s do that,’ they don’t understand the aftermath.”

Brad says he initially felt some relief with the announcement that American troops would be coming home.

“It was supposed to be conditions-based. Just like in Iraq, I thought there was going to be a small contingent of Americans,” said Brad. “I was relieved, because the thing about Afghanistan that I want to make very clear is that in Iraq, they try to kill you. In Afghanistan, the Taliban, those guys, they wanted to hurt you; they want to make sure that you lived, but didn’t live with an arm or a leg. Not only sending a message, but that you remember them for the rest of your life.”

He still had concerns, however, that the Taliban would eventually regain control of the country. Of course, that’s exactly what would happen.

“Seeing those pictures…It’s demoralizing man. You go like, ‘What the f---?’’ said Brad. “It was a punch in the gut, and it really made me question a lot of things.”

Brad says that America “will definitely have to go back,” due to the area being a “hotbed” for several terrorist organizations.

“I have a 1-year-old-son. In his lifetime, probably in the next 18 to 25 years, we will have to go back and root them out,” said Brad. “God forbid, I foresee an attack happening – maybe not on American soil like 9/11 – but probably against Europe… something like that; something crazy, or against US interests, and we’re going to have to go back.”

Despite the current outlook of Afghanistan, Brad says he does not regret his service. His only hope is that through the current crisis and the inevitable debates to come, American’s don’t forget those who made the ultimate sacrifice.

“I want people to know that a lot of good men and women gave their life, not just for freedom, not just for us, but for other people that they had no idea,” said Brad. “I want people to remember them. I want people to pray, or meditate, or whatever it is that people do.”

“A lot of them, 98% of them were young guys, young girls. Very young. They’ll never get to have a family, parents, grandchildren, they’ll never do this or that. I just want people to remember them, and that they went over there for the right reasons, because they wanted the people to have the freedom that we have. They wanted to make sure that people can go to the park, people can do whatever they want, and not have to worry about a car bomb going off on a Friday because it’s Friday prayers.”

“I want people to remember them.”